Ideas

Actually, I've been thinking about making a few changes to the beginning. How about having Crystal and Jason be orphans? We can cut out Mae's character and also Crystal's dad. The orphanage could be on the farm and Jason and Crystal could stumble on the secret passages in the barn while they exploring. Jordan could be transfered into the orphanage (that gives her a real reason to be there and takes away some of the abruptness of having her "appear" at Jason's house.) Jason's laptop and telescope could be a gift from his father just before he died.

Here's why I would like to take this direction: One thing that has been bugging me is where are their parents. We have Jason and Crystal going around in secret passages and joining a cult and their parents don't say anything. That's not the right thing to do. By eliminating their parents, we can avoid that.It also could help develop the relationship between Crystal and Jason. I've looked on them as a brother/sister relationship with Jason talking the role of a "big brother" who looks out for Crystal. That would really apply if they were in an orphanage. What do you think?

How about "The Narrow Gate" for the title? It's the name of the cult; we could also use the double meaning of the phrase for what Jesus says in Matthew 7.

In the room where they hold the ceremony, there is a fence dividing it in two. There is a narrow gate in the middle of the fence. There is a gatekeeper who, obviously, keeps the gate. When the Initiates, go into the room, they are escorted to the gate by the person in charge of the initiates, in this case, Jordan. Jordan hands them over to the gatekeeper who is somebody high in the hierarchy of the cult. The gatekeeper asks them something like: “What is your heart’s desire?” Then the initiates would say “I desire to...” and say something to the effect of “I want to enter this cult and always obey ‘The Master.’” Then the gatekeeper would say something, I don’t know what, and would let them in. He would hand them over to the person in charge of the “Novices” and that person would take them up some steps to where the “Master” would be sitting on a throne.

Gatekeeper: What is your heart's desire? Initiate: To enter the Narrow Gate and follow the Master till he leads me to eternity. Gatekeeper: Then enter and be changed.
As soon as you're able, I'd like a character sketch of Jason, and I'll put that up. Also, a history of the cult would be great, maybe we could work together on that one.

They are joining "The Narrow Gate" in the middle of the year. There are several initiations to go through: The night they join, there is an initiation where they repeat vows to always serve "The Narrow Gate" and blah, blah, blah. This initiation can be done anywhere there is a branch of the cult.
Every New Year's Day, there is a ceremony at the headquarters, which is in Jason and Chrystal's town. Every new member is required to participate, even if they have to travel a long way to get there. This is when the "Initiates" become "Novices."

The same day as the ceremony to become "Novices," there is a ceremony for the "Novices" to become full-fledged members.
The guys should wear robes, with different color stripes to denote their rank. Say green for "Initiates," red for "Novices", black for "rank 1 members", blue for "Rank 2 members", yellow for "Rank 3 members," orange for "Hierarchy members" and purple for "Sectional leaders."

A formal situation also includes class time and lectures. They wear the robes all the time. Not just for formalities. The guys' robes are more practical than the girls' formal outfits, which is why the guys can wear their clothes for the whole time and the girls can't.

Plus, having the men wear robes all the time will help to give it a more "cult" feel. The colors for the girls clothes and the fact that the ensembles are all one colour per ensemble will help with that.

The robes I listed correspond with the "rank" of the members. Initiates join the cult and wear their robe for the initiation ceremony only. Novices wear theirs for the year the undergo "training" (In reality brainwashing) after being initiated. The novices then become rank 1 members. Subsequently, they can advance to being rank 2, and rank 3 members. Only rank 3 members are allowed to leave the complex to buy supplies. The "hierarchy" members are chosen by the "Sectional Leader" to be a part of "The Council" which decides pretty much everything that goes on in the complex under the authority of the Sectional Leader. The only members who don't wear the robes are the guards who wear body armor. (Bullet proof vests, things like that.) What do you think?

Medieval Themed Graphics in "The Narrow Gate" section of my site provided and copyright by